I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
