i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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