I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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