y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
