hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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