And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
