I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
