Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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