You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
