we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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