I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
