One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
