if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
