OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
