Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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