My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
