Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
