I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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