the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
