two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
