Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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