Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
