So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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