Small penises have feelings too.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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