Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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