Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
