Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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