I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
