just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Are we still banned from the library?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
