I want to walk on stilts...naked
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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