when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
