Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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