if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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