Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
