I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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