I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
why is half of my head shaved?
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