Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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