another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again