Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.