Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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