We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess