Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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