3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Use "feeling words"
Yay
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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