Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
