I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
