Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
