There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
