one two three fourrrrnication!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
