weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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