All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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