The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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