Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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