Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate your face
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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