not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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