careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
