Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
