you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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