So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
