Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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