also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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