Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
