Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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