Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
