Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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